I’d Make a Terrible Narcissist

Posted on July 29, 2010

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Here’s the thing about my blog. I really only started it because I always have these wacky things running through my head and I thought perhaps a smattering of friends and family, my future self, and maybe 3-12 random strangers out there might enjoy reading them.

Then yesterday happened, and I got Fresh Pressed. All of a sudden I was thrust into the public spotlight without any warning and it was surreal.  And, OK – a few thousand hits in one day isn’t really big potatoes compared to some much better and more famous blogs, but I’ve only been doing this for maybe a month, and compared to the 10 average hits per day I’d been getting up until then, it was like living a dream. No, more like living IN a dream. Kind of like living in a bad dream actually. I even had a dream last night about my teeth falling out. Weird.

The whole day I felt really torn. I think I expressed this feeling pretty well already in a comment, which is that, on the one hand I was like “YAY! I’ve been picked out of obscurity and deemed worthy of judgement by strangers!” and on the other hand was like “Oh my god holy crap what if one of my coworkers stumbles across this blog and I get fired,” and also a little bit of “Um…I’m glad so many people are concerned for my happiness, but I’m confused why so many people think this is serious and don’t understand I’m being sarcastic.” It was equal parts those three sentiments. And a smattering of “They like me? They really like me? But I’m not wooooorttthhhyyyyyyyyy.”

I guess it was hartening and sweet that some strangers cared enough about my happiness to suggest remedies for my misery, and that others thought I was funny. But then all of a sudden there were strangers judging me (yay?) and it was really really weird. I tried to keep an upbeat outlook on the whole experience but I don’t know.  Although, I’ve come across this sentiment before, so I know I’m not alone. And that helps.

The best part about it all? Last Friday I went out for Mongolian BBQ and THIS was in my Fortune Cookie. Weird huh?

Before and After getting Fresh Pressed Yesterday

So given how I felt about yesterday, I’m not sure whether I’m excited at the thought of prospering in the field of entertainment, or whether I’m terrified at that thought. But thank god I still have a few years to come to terms with destiny. Which is good, because yesterday was probably the least productive day I’ve had in years.

- Girl Normal

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