A Word on Workplace Safety.

Posted on November 2, 2010

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Yesterday at the office we had our monthly staff meeting wherein the higher-ups inform the lower-downs what’s what. In addition to telling us we now have to fill out our leave slips differently, we also got a little informative lecture on workplace safety.

According to the literature they handed out, your chances of having a serious accident increase quite a bit based on what sort of life events you are experiencing. Each life event is given a point value. If you’re between 50-100 points, you have a 50% percent chance of having a major accident in the next month. If you’re above 150 point, your chances jump to 75%. And if you’re above 350 points you might as well just give up, stay home in bed and pull the covers over your eyes. And you certainly shouldn’t do anything so silly as to try to lift heavy things at the office. Certainly not.

This was quite informative, as it explained why I always seem to have accidents whenever I try having a life. But this isn’t the best part. After receiving said lecture and literature, we were told how to fill out the necessary paperwork should we have an accident while at work. As it turns out, this was excellent timing.

Cut to the next day (today). Apparently one of my coworkers had a rather nasty run-in with a printer that refused to let him lift it onto a dolly. He is now wandering around the office with his arm in a sling and his back in a brace. So. In light of these events, I have revised the literature to reflect the apparently real and present danger of staff meetings. I’m hoping I can use this evidence to get out of the one next month.

The hidden danger of staff meetings.

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