People hate the weatherman, but not because he’s wrong about the weather. Here’s the real reason:
“How the weatherman makes you his bitch in 10 easy steps”
1. You’re watching some cheesy sitcom, reality show, or very serious legal drama. During the commercial break, the weatherman interrupts with some intriguing weather-related information
2. So, you sit through a couple of hours of bad television, just in case there are any important updates. Then the news finally starts and you have probably blown the import of “unseasonably cool” out of proportion.
3. The news starts promptly at ten and the anchors begin the evening with stupid banter about the local college football team. One minute turns into two turns into ten. You’re on the edge of your seat, 100% certain your tomato plants will die tonight.
4. Finally, the weatherman comes on, but apparently he’s only teasing
5. Finally, the commercial break ends and the news comes back, with the weatherman! But to your amazed bewilderment, the weatherman is telling you information about weather that already happened and is of absolutely no use to anyone.
6. Then, in a special report, the news anchor comes on to talk about a bank robbery that happened that day.
7. Finally, the weatherman comes on again. But this time, he just gives you information you could find out for yourself.
8. Then the weatherman finally acknowledges your reason for watching. Namely, discussing something that might happen in the future.
9. And once again he dashes your hopes with his cruel teasing
10. At this point you would probably be willing to pledge your firstborn child if the weatherman would just @#$%& tell you how cold it’s getting tonight.
And now, you are officially his bitch.
[I didn’t realize until after I’d pretty much written this post that is has a lot in common with this post by the fabulous Allie Brosh over at Hyperbole and a Half. I promise I had no intention of copying her. It just came out that way. But one is about the weather and the other is about sandwiches, so I think we can keep the peace pretty easily. Allie, if you disagree, please don’t beat me up.]