Yesterday at the office we had our monthly staff meeting wherein the higher-ups inform the lower-downs what’s what. In addition to telling us we now have to fill out our leave slips differently, we also got a little informative lecture on workplace safety.
According to the literature they handed out, your chances of having a serious accident increase quite a bit based on what sort of life events you are experiencing. Each life event is given a point value. If you’re between 50-100 points, you have a 50% percent chance of having a major accident in the next month. If you’re above 150 point, your chances jump to 75%. And if you’re above 350 points you might as well just give up, stay home in bed and pull the covers over your eyes. And you certainly shouldn’t do anything so silly as to try to lift heavy things at the office. Certainly not.
This was quite informative, as it explained why I always seem to have accidents whenever I try having a life. But this isn’t the best part. After receiving said lecture and literature, we were told how to fill out the necessary paperwork should we have an accident while at work. As it turns out, this was excellent timing.
Cut to the next day (today). Apparently one of my coworkers had a rather nasty run-in with a printer that refused to let him lift it onto a dolly. He is now wandering around the office with his arm in a sling and his back in a brace. So. In light of these events, I have revised the literature to reflect the apparently real and present danger of staff meetings. I’m hoping I can use this evidence to get out of the one next month.
The hidden danger of staff meetings.
Girl Normal 
marinasleeps
November 2, 2010
I would think sexual difficulties would be range much higher…. hmm or maybe that is just me.
girl normal
November 2, 2010
I’m not sure what that even means anyway. Is sexual difficulty just a, um, “man problem”? The way cramps are just a “woman problem?” If so…why the hell aren’t cramps on that list? Seriously.
girl normal
November 2, 2010
Oh wait. They did address cramps. Quite boldly in fact. Check out the title. Ha!
Agatha82
November 2, 2010
I’m just amused sexual difficulties is underneath pregnancy ha ha ha
girl normal
November 2, 2010
Considering the authors are male, that’s pretty generous of them, isn’t it?
Agatha82
November 3, 2010
You’re right, even the title of this thing is very amusing…Perilous Periods. Don’t women have those every month? ha ha ha
Andrea Simpson - Conflicted Mean Girl
November 2, 2010
I would think detention in jail would lower your risk of an accident at the workplace to zero – what with being in jail and all.
Andrea Simpson - Conflicted Mean Girl
November 2, 2010
Oh, and marriage itself is a 50? That is ominous.
Suzanna
November 2, 2010
Wait. If I’ve been fired from work, then how can I be injured while in the work place from which I have been fired? Or are they talking about that final walk from the boss’s office to my desk?
girl normal
November 3, 2010
I think the list itself is meant to apply to more than just workplace accidents. Although I’ve seen people get fired. That final walk is a doozy for sure.